i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
