he wants to bone in the snuggie
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
PANTIES FOUND
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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