I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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