why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
