the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
