I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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