More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
