i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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