Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
