Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
