After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
