Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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