We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
