I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize