My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
