Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
