If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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