so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
