He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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