awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
