Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I'm at about main and main street
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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