I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Randomize
