She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
