last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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