I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Randomize
