I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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