I hate your face
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
