I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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