dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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