your parents love me but you hate me
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
