my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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