is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Randomize
