so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
