I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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