I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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