had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
PS: I just woke up from my shower
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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