Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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