I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Randomize
