why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
