Taylor Swift is so right about you.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
