Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
