Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
