I can text with my tongue
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
