i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
