I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
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