I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Randomize
