fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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