He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
