no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Randomize
