Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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