it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
