I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
A+ Viking dick
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
