i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Randomize
