he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
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