apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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