If i could tip my vagina, i would.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
