Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
