just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Randomize
