I want to make a zoo with you.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
