I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize
