Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
