So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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