Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Randomize
