I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
