NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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