So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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