YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
