I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
he had hair everywhere except his balls
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
