he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
