we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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