the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
