do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
