I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i just google imaged poop.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Your cock deserves a montage
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
