Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Randomize
