Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
