you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
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