I cockslap morals
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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