I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
