Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
